Verbal Tourettes

I can’t tell a good story because my husband has verbal tourettes and yells stupid crap and curse words while I’m trying to talk.

So I’m sittin there filling B in on the events of today and reminding him about how, sometime this past summer, my friend and I discovered a co-worker’s dirty lil habit of lying to our boss. B keeps interrupting to finish my sentences. I was all -stop interrupting me with your lame crap that is not even remotely close to what I was going to say- and he still kept interrupting me with lame-oh statements

Ugh….

Here, I’ll show you w/ an example:

Me: *Dogface Mcliesalot’s* statement makes sense as to why she would intentionally not do her job wrong, so then I sent an email to the boss

B interrupts: to tell him that bitch needs to quit lyin or you’ll file a grievance!? F*ck that’s what I’d do! Oh hell no ain’t somebody gonna lie about me!

Me: um no….to tell him that I was aware of a possible reason why the errors, I discovered yesterday, may have been intentionally made and that he might want to know this, since my new information

1). is from a very credible source and

2). I know, from personal experience, it’s not uncommon for *Dogface Mcliesalot* to make false statements, without provocation, to hide her inability to understand or do something.

So the convo goes on for a few more minutes and he keeps on interrupting like a foul-mouthed tourettes kid on test day and I finally just say

You get so pissed when I continually interrupt you and you keep doing that to me.

He replied with, “well, I’m tired of talking about it.”

The fuck?

Um, okay asshole I totally only spent 30 minutes telling you the update and 15 of those minutes where you interrupting me – so this dragging on and boring you to death crap is your fault anyway.

I’m so not talking to that big fathead until he says he’s sorry for being a big fathead. Which is kind of what he wanted in the first place except now the silence will scream “DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING THIS VAJ TONIGHT! IT MIGHT BORE YOU TO DEATH WITH ALL IT’S NOISE! YOU BIG FATHEAD”