My Computer is Possessed

Lately, my computer’s exhibited some spiteful behavior. Today, IT updated the “help ticket” to ask me to explain the most recent problem with the printer. I use two printers. One is by my desk, the other (an HP7700 that’s a shared, multi function, color printer) is down the hall. I answered with this,
“The HP 7700 [...]

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Activities That Don’t Earn Weight Watcher Activity Points

<19026 steps in 1 day = 0 points
Get your ass up and walk around fatty.
Reading about weight loss, while sitting at your desk, surfing the internet for a magic weight loss pill.
Thinking about what real sugar tastes like. Wondering if that bitter taste and white film on your tongue will ever go away.
Chewing your food. [...]

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I Like Birthdays

I like celebrating my birthday by demanding to be allowed to be lazy and getting fun presents NOT being stared at by strangers as they watch me stuff my old face with cake!

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Can I Change The Message Preferences To “Not Dumb?”

Original email with modifications for privacy:
Attention “Lucentabella,”
Per your instructions, we are notifying you of an important message that has been delivered to your secure online inbox at Generic Credit Union. To view the details of this message, simply login to the Generic Credit Union website and click the “messages” tab. If you no longer wish [...]

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No, That’s Not Trashy At All…..

My coworker (we’ll call her Lori) and I were in the large conference room, sorting the vending machine change, when Krusty began chatting with us. She kept saying, “Did I tell you about the blah blah blah.”. I kept thinking, “No, that would require you talking to us more than once a year.” Three times, [...]

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Pretty in Pink

After working my ass off on the new elliptical, I totally gave myself a cute pedicure! I must say, I have an awesome husband! Not only did he put it together for me (knowing he’ll never use it) he cleared the garage, the spare room, and the corner of our master bedroom, just to put [...]

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Treadmill or Elliptical

We are in the market for a new cardio machine.  I really want a good elliptical machine, but a treadmill serves the same purpose for much less.
Treadmill Pros:  Cheaper, usually folds up, can get more for my money, my husband will more likely be able to use it, will suffice for a cardio workout
Treadmill cons: [...]

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Modesty

We try to get her to close her legs. I think being overweight has given her low self esteem. To compensate she acts like a tease and then a whore. Bless her heart. I tell her she won’t get respect that way, but her response is “meh I’m a pussy it’s what we do.”

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Midday Switcharoo

For about three weeks I’ve been using Weight Watchers to shape up. I put on this shirt this morning, and I don’t know what I was thinking! It fits and all, especially since I’ve lost weight. Today just isn’t a from fitting shirt day. It just made me feel fat. I’m not fat, though I’m [...]

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I’m a Reality TV Whore

There’s really no boundaries on what kind of reality TV I will watch. I’m pretty easy on that front. I like watching other people. I’m nosy like that. My core favorites are Survivor, Big Brother, and The Amazing Race. I don’t have some allegiance to CBS or anything. I [...]

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