It’s okay to laugh.

This is my niece LC.  She thinks her mama is hilarious.  She is SOOOOO CUTE.

Don’t worry, she only scared herself a little.  She didn’t really hurt herself.

Nut Crisps go in your mouth

Want some?

Have Some Pride oh, and Some Standards Too!

Today, I had to send out a mean email.  It wasn’t snarky mean.  It was a – use some common sense to successfully accomplish even the most basic tasks of your job or you will face reprimands- mean email.  I’ve actually had to tell these people, instead of using white-out or scribbling through the information on a contract, they need to reprint the contract with the correct information.  When they asked why, I could only say, “because you should have some pride in your work.”  When your work leaves your desk, you may be done with it, but it is not done with you.  It will forever be a representation of you; for all to see and assess.  If you want to look like an incompetent and apathetic employee; go ahead and do less than acceptable work.  On the other hand, if you want my praise and respect, have some standards above “meh.”

Because France is Better Ya’ll!

When I was in the first grade, we had to create this workbook about life in the early frontier.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t want to do this assignment.  Here’s why:

Because France is Better Ya'll!

It’s not that grown Lucentabella thinks France is better.  Just, lil frontier life Lucentabella thought France was better.  Grown Lucentabella values showers, shaving, and American food. So…….there’s that……

Just a Dab Will Remove That Blemish From Your Customer Service

Dear ProActiv makers Guthy-Renker,

I do not feel as though my call is very important to you.  As a matter of fact, I do not feel as though you value my business at all.  Why, you might ask?  Because, your lousy customer service made me feel this way.  Not only was the rep that answered the phone unpleasant to talk to, she messed up my order.  I suppose if she had spent her energy doing her job correctly, rather than cutting me off and making sure I knew she was irritated, this all could be avoided.  In trying to rectify this error, I’ve spent a total of 25 minutes on hold, listening to the worst hold music available.  I bet Jessica Simpson doesn’t have to wait that long. I evensent an email trying to contact your customer service department.  I sent two, actually. A few days later, two reps, that clearly do not reside in the US (or know of each other existence) replied to my service requests.  Has it occurred to your company that all this phone activity (as it is pressed against my skin) is not good for my ACNE PRONE skin?  The stress of trying to get an exchange is also, not good for my ACNE PRONE skin.  One of your reps even wrote:

“If you would like to place an order, you may call customer service, log on to www.proactiv.com, or you may fax us back with your credit card number and expiration date, account number, and complete address to 515-284-6745.

You may also send a check or money order in the amount of $45.90, US funds, with your request for the 3-piece club kit to Proactiv Solution, PO Box 362965, Des Moines, IA 50336-2965. Upon receipt, I will be happy to process your request.

I do apologize; however, we cannot accept the exchange of merchandise. You may return only full shipments, no partial shipments. If you wish to exchange a shipment, return the complete shipment you do not want and let us know what you would like to order.”

This does not make any sense.  I already placed an order.  Why the heck would I send you more money for another order that I don’t need?  Why can your company not exchange its own products?  I’ve already paid for the products that I want (and still do not have).  Why does the rep say, in one sentence, I cannot return partial orders and then in the very next sentence tell me to return the part I do not want?  That is very contradictory and not good customer service.

the same rep also said this:

“Thank you for your e-mail. Unfortunately, we do not have samples of the Proactiv Solution 3-Step System.  Nor do we have any free items”

To which I would like to reply,

No THANK YOU, for your email. It proves that none of you pay attention to your customers.  I did not order the 3-step system.  Nowhere in my email(s) do I refer to the 3-step system.  As a matter of fact, I essentially said “I ordered the cleanser and was sent the toner.  I need to exchange the toner for the product I ordered. ”  Your Proactive website contradicts your claim to not have any free items.  Thanks for telling me though, because it clarifies nothing about exchanging my product.

I hope you see this and are embarrassed about how poorly your customer service department has conducted business.  I hope other people see this and decide not to order your product for the fear of getting the wrong product and then being asked to send more money for something else they didn’t want.  Maybe you should consider using your own solution on the blemish that is your quality of customer service.  Just a dab, that’s all you need.

Sincerely,

Imma Noid

I’m just going to use these all the time…even when I’m not sick…

I probably shouldn’t have gone to work today.  You would think my, uncharacteristically, disheveled appearance and the constantly present wad of tissues in my hand would indicate to stay away from me…..but my clueless coworkers wouldn’t notice a tornado if it landed on top of them.  So I wouldn’t die from coughing, I created some helpful signs:

Apparently, me not speaking means something is wrong. I got tired of clarifying what was wrong.

I kept it short and sweet.

I made these, but I didn’t get the chance to use them.  I finished up the work that HAD to be done, and went home early.

frowny face is frowning

...

I'm sure I would have found a reason to use this one.

for the rare event that something there made me smile. Just kidding. I lol there all the time!

For Ass Face, Hooks, Krusty, and Side Kick

This is mostly for Side Kick and Krusty....they're really dumb....it's sad really

because for some reason my coworkers think I care about random shit

my coworkers do some pretty f'd up stuff

for those that make me laugh.

for those that make me REALLY laugh

for B cuz I lurves him bunches

That’s why you should always keep a giant tub of Vaseline nearby

The electrical switches in my bathroom annoyed me for the last two years.  The two switches were, in my opinion, swapped from the normal position.  The fan switch was the first one, closest to the door.  The second switch, furthest from the door, was the light switch.  None of our other bathrooms are set up that way.  Today, I successfully switched them, to match the rest of the house (and our habits).

What you didn’t know you need:

• A piece of strong nylon plastic chord (I cut/use a 12 inch strip of weed-eater nylon refill)
• Petroleum jelly, mineral oil, vegetable oil, or baby oil (trust me)
• A coarse soap with beads/salt/sand (again, trust me)
• A source of hot water

Here’s what you should know:

Turn off the electricity to that room.

Those switches carry a live current.   I was lazy and did not shut off the electricity.  I only, accidentally, shocked myself once.  As mild of a shock that it was, it still scared the crap out of me.  So, turn the electricity off!

Protect/Clean Your Skin

If you’re like me, you will find a way to get whatever chemicals you are using on your skin.  Although I used disposable gloves, I still got sealant on my wrists and hands.  This is where the petroleum jelly or oil comes in handy.

As soon as you get the sealant on your skin carefully wipe off what you can and slather it in the jelly or oil.  Make sure you don’t spazz out and create more problems.  You won’t die from a little sealant on your arm.

Then, using hot water and your rough/course soap scrub your skin until it’s all cleaned off. If you don’t have course soap, you can make some.  Sea salt, bath salt, and sand can be added to the soap (after you’ve collected the soap in your palm). Once you’re rinsed off, remove any clothing with the sealant on it, and dry yourself off.

Call poison control if you ingest any sealant!

And that's why you should always keep a tub of vaseline nearby!

Storing your used tube of sealant:

B and I are the worst about not carefully storing our used tubes of sealant/caulk (whatever you want to call it). To remedy this, I cut a length of nylon chord (l used weed-eater refill chord).  Before you put up your sealant, stick both ends of the chord down the throat of the tube.  Leave a loop (big enough to firmly grab) sticking out of the throat.  The next time you go to use the sealant, you will hopefully be able to pull the sealant plug out.

B will definitely question me on this.....

Trust me, I didn’t get paid jack or receive any free stuff for this post.  We just happen to have these product brands at the house.

These kids have problems

First of all, we had like two snow flakes. Secondly, these kids clearly have a major problem. I don’t think it has anything to do with the winter weather.

Aaaaah. Ahhhhh aaaaahhh

CHOO

I’m Certifiable!

Recently, its become apparent that, the branch staff employees think I’m psychic. Why else would they assume I automatically know they scanned a document into the database or know the location of a random file (that has nothing to do with me or my department)? I asked my boss if we could get approval for funding for a workshop that would improve our psychic abilities. He said he didn’t think we could get approval. I told him, if we were psychic then we would KNOW if we would get approval. Anyway, since I’m pretty sure we won’t get approval for funds to pay for a psychic workshop, I made my own certification/diploma thingy:

Text:

University of Waka-Waka

Having successfully created this document of psychicness declaration:

Lucentabellla

Is certifiable in having obtained a

BS in Psychic Arts

(picture of seal)

It’s “signed” by Dionne Warwick and Sylvia Brown.

(pssst….it’s not real or really signed so don’t call me to find your lost keys or anything)